All about the kid… that’s me!

jueves, 15 de enero de 2015

My parents on their 40th wedding anniversary.

Most of you have met my parents when you read All about my parents (in Spanish, Todo sobre mis padres), one of the most popular posts on my blog ever (read 3,000 times since the end of October) and one that is very dear to me. They have shown that parental love is capable of bringing down walls, cross borders and so much more.

 After that, I asked them if they would write what they’d felt about me coming out of the closet. There was no rush, no pressure; whenever they felt like writing it. Last night my mum surprised me with a written answer, and then my dad wrote today. I couldn’t not share some excerpts of what they had to say with you!

They asked for my discretion since they’re very reserved people. I couldn’t be happier about having them next to me, or prouder of who they are and who they’ve become and how much good they can bring to the world by sharing their experience. Today, I asked my mum if she realised how much I loved them and her answer was that I didn’t tell her enough (that’s our little play!), so there’s no excuse now: I love them so much! Thank you for lending me these pieces of their heart to publish in my blog.

"I’m not the mum of a gay kid"

This is what my mum writes: “I’m not the mum of a gay kid. I’m Andrés’s, Rosario’s and Tomás’s mum, it’s that simple. When people ask about my kids I don’t talk about Andrés, my straight son, and Tomás, my gay son. No, I speak about the three of them and the three of them make me feel proud.

When you told us you were gay in that beautiful letter, I must admit I wasn’t too surprised. I always thought there was something you didn’t want to tell us and I feel that we probably weren’t ready to read the letter before we did. When we showed our priest and friend the letter and he said: “God excludes no one”, everything was in the right place. This isn’t an issue for your brother and sister, your sister in law, your nephews and nieces or for us.

As you have written many times, not everyone can agree to it, like it or whatever. However, the list of people who truly love you is endless: you only need to take a look at the comments that people leave on your blog and on Facebook. Lucky for us, we’ve never lived caring what other people may think but live to be together, to love ourselves as a family and to be better people.

Coming out of the closet has been life-assuring: living without fear (my greatest fear was that people would make you suffer and reading you I realise that they had for some time) makes us free and that’s what I like.

Hopefully many mothers and fathers will understand that their son’s sexual orientation doesn’t make them different when it comes to loving them, or less of a son, or less of a dignified person. I hope social relationships can improve every day so that all discrimination and hatred will come to an end.

I also believe that if you weren’t gay, I’d probably be an arrogant person convinced of being on the “right” side and that others were “wrong”. My colours used to be black or white, so I am infinitely grateful to God for having allowed me to understand nuances and to realise how many wonderful colours were still left on my palette.”

"Personally, this wasn’t an issue for me"

This is what my father has to say: "As we mentioned at the time and continue to believe, your mum and I had an inkling that you were different: I say different because in many situations that you experienced, things you did, you proved to be different from other kids: often, you wouldn’t want to go out with certain friends, you didn’t like taking part in gym class, you felt more at ease staying in or being involved with your closest friends, etc.

While we read your letter, we obviously cried as we read the feelings and situations you expressed, what you had gone through until you had the strength to come forward. Our emotions, our concerns were in regard to how much you must have suffered internally, having to face so many classmates at school and then university because there are always people who’re close-minded and whose IQ is simply too low. We had sometimes heard from third parties that there was gossip around saying you were gay and many of them rejected you or were nasty about it.

I must tell you that time only shapes us like wrought iron: we soften or harden following the different things and experiences that happen in life. Personally, this wasn’t an issue for me. First of all, you’re my son but, most importantly, there’s you as a person: Tomás, my son. Whatever you are you will always be my son. Nothing else matters. What matters is that you will always be welcome as our son, our family has always been and will always be there for you, for better or worse, we will defend and love you to the end".

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